I got her a Nickelback box set.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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