Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
