ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
