Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
