24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
