Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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