i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
