Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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