i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
