i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
