is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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