sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
