He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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