That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
