dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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