my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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