Pants 0. Shit 1.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
