Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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