Can Purell be used as lube?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
