Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
