The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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