physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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