arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
