oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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