Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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