well I can't set my house on fire every night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
