Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
