Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
