yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
