I just made out with a guy for $7.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's blow job season.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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