he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
