he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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