So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
MIDGETS
????
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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