I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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