Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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