I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
pray to the hookup gods
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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