His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Damn victory sex feels great
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
