after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
