The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
