3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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