I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
