when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
