I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
