I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
