He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
