You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
