so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
