Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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