Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
