Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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