I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
