Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
